Friday, February 04, 2005

Confessions

I’ve a confession to make. I started blogging with the sole purpose of getting compliments from my friends, all you guys. You people would read my funny anecdotes, have a quiet chuckle (maybe) and if you are not very lazy, post a comment saying how funny I am and how well I write!! That’s why I emailed all you guys each time I posted an entry, which are a grand total of two right now (ok this one makes it three)! This time I’ve made up my mind not to do so. Even to me, my efforts at getting people to read what I’d written reeked of desperation. Looking for approval, or just an ego boost? Maybe both. So, I feel sure that if people have liked what they read of my two entries, they will definitely visit my blog again and read this third.
I thought that I’d fill my blog with funny incidents that had occurred to me in my day-today life, and that’s it; no serious stuff, nothing about how sad I’m feeling, or any heavy stuff. But suddenly, right now at 2:49 am, I feel like changing my own rules. I don’t know why, maybe because of the beautiful poetry and prose I’ve just read, the work of a certain Lady M. :) Maybe I was inspired by her very earthy and sensuous words… I don’t know.
I’ve always prided myself for being able to express myself wonderfully through the written word; verbally I’m not able to be very expressive. I’ve always blamed this impediment on the junior college lecturers who taught me. All my schoolteachers spoke excellent English, especially all my English teachers, who taught me to appreciate the magic of the written word. I’ll be eternally grateful to them for encouraging my writing by praising my little essays and compositions.
The lecturers in my junior college were, well, just bad at English! And there was no freedom to form your own answers, even in the English subject! We were spoon fed, with all notes being dictated by bored lecturers (except our Economics sir, he was very dedicated to his subject, and was a sweetheart!). The teacher who taught us English in the first year thought that ‘baubles’ meant ‘soap bubbles’!! I’d looked around to see if anyone would contradict her, but nobody did. And all I did was whisper furiously to my friend A, that baubles certainly didn’t mean soap bubbles. She asked me to stand up and say so, but I was too shy to.
But I guess I can’t blame my estrangement with the English language on those poor misguided souls. I should have worked on the language myself. But ennui set in, and I became very lazy and came not to resent the spoon-feeding. Until one day I found that I was having great difficulty in forming a simple sentence, I kept on floundering, looking for the right words. I was deeply mortified, even though nobody noticed this new inability of mine. I was very proud of my command over the English language, and wasn’t afraid to show off when I was in school (much to my embarrassment now!). I’d be constantly correcting the pronunciations and grammar of my classmates, who soon came to the conclusion that I had an attitude problem, and that I thought no end of myself. That wasn’t very far from the truth! (Cringe! Cringe!) It is really a wonder that I didn’t manage to alienate all my friends!
So anyway, when I noticed my inability to string words together to form a simple sentence, I was horrified. And the worst part was, even my pronunciations were failing me. I then decided to take matters into my own hands and tried consciously to improve on the language; always a voracious reader (I could never pass a billboard without reading it), I began to read more and more. I also paid close attention to all the English serials I watched, especially sitcoms like “Friends”, from which I could pick up witticisms. My verbal communication has definitely improved, though I still have trouble finding the right words now and then (ok, far many more times than ‘now and then’!). But, I think that am still pretty good at the written word! Ha!
And I've also realized that it doesn't really make all that much of a difference when I cannot form a sentence properly when i'm with my friends. They are always there to fill in the blanks! :)
I’d started out by talking about something, and landed up talking about something else altogether. The meanderings of a beautiful mind, what say?! :D

7 comments:

:..M..: said...

You sure have one constant reader! I'm glad I inspired you. I honestly am flattered and quite surprised that you liked what I wrote. Given the way we talk to each other..I thought you'd be like "Gosh, how soppy!".

You write well and should keep whatever you want to write coming on. I thoroughly enjoy reading your blog. :)

Phoenix Rises said...

Thanx a lot M. i didn't think for even a minute that your writings were soppy! it doesn't come across as if you are writing just for effect, & it's not all sugary sweet, "you are all right, i'm alright" kind of schmaltz!

:..M..: said...

I'm really happy to know that, Urvashi. I know you're not too easy with praise, so this I'll keep in mind for a long long time! Thanks!:)

misscow said...

hola...que tal?, seguro que no van a entender nada...pero a lo mejor alguno entiende español y lo puede traducir...
Bueno les cuento que yo soy julia, de Argentina, y que no se muy bien como llegue a tu blog...
Les dejo mi direccion por si se les ocurre escribir algo...
www.misscow.blogspot.com
kizZ!, Julia

Phoenix Rises said...

Hi Julia, all i got from your comment was your name! :) I really didn't understand what you had written, but I still Appreciate the fact that you've visited my blog. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

hey!
gr8 goin pal....nice entries .u have a cool style of writing.makes me feel i was present there........ keep goin this way and u'll do gr8..with all my support 100%.way to go!

Anonymous said...

tatz me (s) :)