Friday, March 25, 2005


“There you go! You are acting just like your father!”

“Where did you get that particular trait from? Definitely not from this side of the family!”

“That expression of yours is so much like your aunt’s! You are like two peas in a pod!”

How many times in a day do most of us have to hear such comments? And how many of us want to scream bloody murder each time we have to hear such comments?!
I for one do belong to this group. I’ve been hearing such comments from the time I could understand language! So probably such comments were being passed even before my verbal “enlightenment” had dawned on me!
Since the day I was born people have compared me to my father’s sister, saying that I resemble her a lot. I never could make out the resemblance. Where the heck was it? She has a rectangular face, I’ve an oval face; she has straight hair, I’ve wavy hair; she has “chinky” eyes, I’ve medium-sized NOT “chinky” eyes! Our mouths are different, eyebrows are different, builds are different, and everything else is different God dammit!
As time went on, this comparison used to drive me absolutely nuts! And people (mostly my brother and Grans!) picked up on this, and tortured me endlessly by comparing me to her. I would actually walk out of rooms when anyone said anything that remotely went like, “Isn’t she similar to…” I would literally walk out of the room (much to the embarrassment of my family members) when guests made such observations! Then one time my aunt was present when I staged a walk out, and later she came up to me and asked, “Why do you hate being compared to me? Do you think I look ugly?” I think I blushed all the way till my roots and mumbled something to this effect, “Uh… I… don’t…think… no…” and ran away like a stinking coward!
For years I didn’t even think of this incident, when all of a sudden it hit me: I wasn’t angry that people constantly compared me to my aunt and father because they were ugly or horrible people, or whatever. The thing was I didn’t want to be compared to anyone! I was ME and I wanted people to just look at me as me, not as a caricature of someone else.
I’ve thus realized how important my identity is to myself! I don’t want to be known as a copy (a poor one at that) of someone else, I want to be treated on the basis of myself, my own personal characteristic quirks! ME ME ME!! I want to be known as ME!! Is that too much to ask? Apparently it is! I’m sure no one is going to stop comparing me to various family members anytime soon, so nowadays I try to take all these comparisons with a pinch of salt. Who am I kidding??! No I don’t! I still get angry, mad, annoyed, irritated, aggravated, exasperated, frustrated, infuriated, irate, livid, incensed… I think I’ve run out of adjectives!!


Anonymous said...

Hon, I can feel the steam all the way over here!! phew!! however I find it really amusing when people compare me to somebody else!! they dont really know me so the only way they can relate is to identify me with someone else they know!! its understandable and entertaining!

P.S: you sure can rant!!

Phoenix Rises said...

Yes, and you've been a witness to all my rantings and ravings! What would I do without a pal like you?!! :D

Abhijeet said...

sorry buddy.. some bad news for you..
you are not just yourself, you are a little your mom, you're a little your mom, might be not that much your aunt, but you sure are a little bit of somethings of your pedigree.
its scientifically proven. :)
you could have your own way though, like your likings, your loves, and your hit list too, but the reasons behind them would be a little similar to what your dad would have had, had he made one. you needn't cry that you have so many people inside you, you might as well be joyous that you have your mom in dad alongside you. including the blood you have.
you might try deny it, but the truth is, you can't escape.
so just look at it a little less lamentably and in a more luckier way..
but its all upto you, you can refuse to accpet the whole thing, and prefer living a individual. i, for one, feel proud to have so many inside me.

Phoenix Rises said...

Abhijeet, I think you've missed my point. Am not against comparisons that even I can see. The comparisons that make no sense to me are the ones that frustrate me! I know that I'm a mix of both my parents, but not to the extent that I don't have my own identity. Anyway, this entry was meant to be taken with a pinch of salt!

AmitKen said...

hmmm... I know how u feel.

but then I am sure those who matter to you, and those for whome you matter, think of you only as 'YOU'. Isn't that great :)

Phoenix Rises said...

Amitken, thanks for understanding my point of view!! Of course there are always two sides to a coin! Some people do look at me as 'Me', viz. my friends. Thank God for that!

AmitKen said...

post something new now :-|

Phoenix Rises said...

Wow! Didn't know people are waiting to read what I've to say!! Hehe!! Thanks for wanting to! And I've just posted a new entry. BTW, I can't seem to be able to post comments on your blog. Don't know why..