Sunday, October 16, 2005

ENOUGH!

Recently I’d had some really disturbing news about this girl I kind of knew during my graduation. She got married soon after college. She became pregnant too but had to get the baby aborted as the doctor had said that the baby wasn’t developing properly. It was only after the abortion took place that the girl learnt the real truth. During the sonography her parents-in-law found out that she was carrying a girl. So they took her to another doctor and had it aborted.
What’s more, during her pregnancy and even after the abortion procedure she wasn’t allowed to rest or regain her strength. She was made to work like a slave.
This girl’s woes don’t end here. Her husband is basically unsupportive and demands to sleep with her even when she is not feeling well. Right now even after she had to go through the painful process of abortion he forces himself on her, unmindful of her stitches and the fact that she is bleeding. So the truth is that her own husband is raping her every single day.
The worst part is that her parents have washed all hands off of her. They say that now that she is married what her in-laws and husband do to her is their problem. They have a right to treat her as they wish. It’s like she is no longer their daughter.

I was aware that there are families in India who treat their daughters-in-law as unpaid servants, and the husband just uses the wife for his own pleasure. But actually knowing a person (even though she was even less than an acquaintance to me) who is going through all this really hits the situation home, and hard. I was simply furious when I heard about this girl’s condition. How can human beings be so cruel? The capacity that a human being has to hurt another human being simply astounds me!
When someone behaves in a boorish manner most people say things like, “don’t behave like an animal”. But the fact is animals are much more civilized than human beings. Human beings are the only species on earth who kill each other in large numbers. No other species go on a rampage killing or hurting those belonging to their own species.

From the above incident it is apparent that India still has a long way to go in according its women the respect that they deserve. What is the use of worshipping Durga Mata or Kali Mata or other goddesses when you don’t give your own mother, wife, daughter or any other woman the respect that she deserves? We Indians very proudly refer to our country, as “Bharat Mata”; and this is how we treat our women? And what is the use of celebrating Women’s Day? How hypocritical can we get?
On the one hand it is said that only a woman can understand another woman’s pain, and on the other that a woman herself is another woman’s worst enemy. Which one is true? I would naively want to believe that the former is true. But sadly it is not, because if it were then mothers-in-law wouldn’t participate in the harassment of their daughters-in-law, or in their cold-blooded murder.
It is of no news singing the praises of our ancient “culture and traditions” and priding ourselves on following ancient rituals. It is a fine tradition indeed to degrade women and treat them as third class citizens!
We Indians need to stop acting like ostriches with our heads buried in the sand thinking that India is the greatest country in the world and hoping that sooner or later these ages old practices would change on their own. They will NOT change on their own. We need to be more proactive. One Nisha Sharma is not enough to bring about a change. Link
We sure are educating our daughters but we still do not give them the freedom to make their own choices and decisions in life. Women are still seen as the weaker sex, that they cannot do anything on their own, they always need a man by their side; when the truth is that it has been scientifically proven that women are emotionally stronger than men. How else do you explain the countless women not only in India, but also around the world undergoing daily debasement but yet living through it all?
I’m doing clinical psychology right now, and I’ve learnt that anxiety disorders and panic disorders are more prevalent in Indian women than Indian men. The reason for this is the fear that is instilled in the girl child from the moment that she is born, that she cannot do anything on her own and will always need the support of a male figure in her life.
Finally, it is up to Indian women themselves to say, “Enough!” We need to stand up for ourselves, for our rights as well as for the rights of our sisters, mothers, daughters.
I feel a desperate need to bring about an attitudinal change in our society. It is a Herculean task indeed, but if I am able to change the views of at least one person through my message then I would be happy. The order of the day is to DO, and not only to THINK.

31 comments:

Arz000n said...

Am I first....

Can believe it...lemme read now :)

Arz000n said...

jeeeeeezzz....
that was so sick of the that guy treating his wife after abortion....what the hell??
Such guys shud be shot dead in the first case..
How can he treat is wife like this? I mean...does marriage only means sex and having "forced" pleausre from ur partner??
Thre is something called as understanding and respect you need to bring in...where are they??

Yeah yeah...I know people talking about "Indian culture" and how good it is all the time...but the sick fact remains..our own people are treating women so badly. Does keeping women under your thumb after marriage brings in good culture? makes you into a MAN??

I never understood this...

We need to stand up for ourselves,
This is gonna take sometime now Phoenix...coz thanks to our previous generation..even though we are in 21st century, parents still impose certain things on their daughter, which is just not acceptable...does not makes sense at all.

The order of the day is to DO, and not only to THINK.
This was one thought provoking post.
Awesome...

PuNeEt said...

oooh gosh...
I thought people in Mbai have grown up...

I have heard such incidents in typical MP/UP cities....

Hopeless...

Yes its high time that women fight for their rights...

Awesome post....

Take care

Invincible said...

Darn !!
its brutal, ghastly, beastly !!
is her husband a sadist !!

Here no one has faith in the judiciary system. I can assume she wd never ask for legal help in the issue. And her parents turning a blind eye to her is another act of inhumanity. She wd never get the moral support she needs to fight such wicked goons.
Damn !!

Any help i can do in this?

Me said...

touching post...

BTW : Urvashi if you change the color of font it'll be much easier for reading.
always use light-colored font in a dark background.

Richa said...

It was a very relevant post..
I feel and hope that the one's whoz views need to change are women.As everything can't change magically for us we women need to stand up for ourselves as in this case even though her parents have washed their hands of her she needs to stand up for herself..Tortures following generations would not end we have to put a stop against them..

AmitKen said...

reading this makes me angry.. i feel like crushing the skull of that beast who'se raping his own wife... and i wanna beat the hell out of the parents of the girl for washing thier hands off her current situation.

SAD :(

Phoenix Rises said...

Hi Arz000n,
I can feel how shocked and disgusted you feel. I feel the very same way. At least if there are more people like you and me around such atrocities will gradually cease.

Hi Puneet,
Actually this incident has happened in Hyderabad. But it really doesn't matter where in India it has happened, the sad part is that it did.

Hi Incincible,
I too do not think that she would turn to the law, unless all her friends come to her aid and get her out of this hell hole she is living in. I just wanna smack her parents! They are only worried about their standing in society and least worried about their own daughter! Such people just make me sick!
And it's so nice of you to offer to help a complete stranger! :) Apparently she's not even being allowed to talk to any of her friends now. I just hope the girls in Hyderabad can figure something out.

Hi Avik,
Thanks.
I thought black could be read easily on this background. From next time I'll choose a lighter colour.

Hi Richa!
I was sure you would find this very relevent. And I totally agree with your views; women do need to stand up for themselves, but the attitude of men also needs to change.

Hi Amitken,
I too felt enraged and horrified when I first learnt of this. This is really sad. :(

Squared said...

"We Indians need to stop acting like ostriches with our heads buried in the sand thinking that India is the greatest country in the world and hoping that sooner or later these ages old practices would change on their own."

So, you are asking to stop breathing? This is why we exist, and we do!

Phoenix Rises said...

Hi Squared,
I didn't quite get what you were trying to say. Do you mean to say that Indians exist because of our age old practises and traditions that are quite redundant in today's time? Would you mind elaborating a bit?

Squared said...

Nope. To the contrary, I was trying to say that we can not stop living like ostriches, becaust thats the only way we know. Because we know where are not doing good in any thing, we need to pretend that we are the best. If we dont do it, we can live.

goodwill hunting said...

the incident that u mentioned was touching!!!
i just wish i could help out ur friend ..her in laws should be killed !!!

Slice Of Life said...

it is sad to know abt ur friend
inhuman treatment....
it will take time to change patriotic mindsets....
i have made few posts on this subject
uma

Phoenix Rises said...

Hi Squared,
But don't you think that it's high time we changed our attitude? It's obviously not a healthy one to have, figuratively and literally!

Hi Goodwill Hunting,
Her in-laws should be tortured then killed! Thanks for wanting to help her out. She's not really my friend, she's barely an acquaintance, but I too wish there was something I could do for her.

Hi Chennai Pages,
You are right, it will take time to change the mindset, but I'm hoping it will be sooner than later.

Manish said...

hmmmm PR What to say abt this!
its inhuman, deplorable but then chup chap aise cheezein bardasht karna bhi apne aap mein halaat se samjhauta kar lene ke barabar hai

the only way is to exposed these people so that they r ashamed of their acts & the near & dear ones to her should encourage & support her to come out of this situation!

Squared said...

Well, the thing is that we can not change ourselves. The last thing this country will ever lose will be the MCP attitude. And optimism never works. we need to be realistic that its not gonna change, ever.

Phoenix Rises said...

Hi Manish,
I doubt these people would ever feel ashamed about the way they are behaving. Such people don't know what shame is. I just hope that this girl gets out before it is too late.

Squared,
If people have an attitude like this then of course nothing ever will change. But if you have an attitude that is both optimistic as well as realistic, then things can change. Don't wanna sound preachy or anything, but we didn't get independence from sitting on our asses!

Sumanth said...

Why the Indian Women marry for life style ? Can not they study, do a job and be independent ?

Why a woman has to depend on her parents, in-laws or husband ?

In, India more men are driven to suicide by women than the otherway round.

If a man had been in that situation, he would have simply walked out. If this woman is tortured, then she can simply walk out and lead an independent life.

Frankly, I personally feel this story is a major hoax.

Bharat said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Bharat said...

This is called creating false panic in the society in the name of "Ablaa naari" by feminazis.
Feminists and society wand false Nisha Sharma scandals to gossip, who cares about the real Legal Terrorism
as Supreme Court calls it?
Let me show you the real picture-
Misuse of Dowry Laws

Jinesh Zaveri said...

Dear Pheonix,

This comment is straight from heart. You write well and I hope your writings won't be biased.

I am from mumbai, come to my Home. A women has suffered that is my Mother by another women that was my wife. After sincere Investigations When I chose to be on side of the truth (on my mom's side) I was threatened of 498A.

such cases are aplenty in our society. and they are not voiced because the bahu falsly complains the police and section 498A a non bailable and non compoundable and cognizable offence is registered sans proof on the inlaws and husband.

I have sympathy for victims and your friend too. but there are bahu's who trouble so meticulously that they never get caught. There are innocent husbands and families who are just taken for a ride for years. when they want to speak they are made to sit quietly.

latest case arrest of vidya jain in jaipur for harrassing her 85 yr old mother in law. the police arrested vidya the ignominious daughter in law but since IPC has no provision for atrocities by Bahu so she was released. because it believes that bahu cannot be sadist. and mil fil and husband and sil are all and always saddists.

You write well, please contact me and fight for injustice against indian husbands and their families too.

I am in a battle to save victims, a criminal has to punished. irrespective of gender. Would look forward to meet you/your group.

498A_Victim said...

My Age old mother was in jail, without any mistake/guilty. she cann`t walk without others help, can you think she will beat someone.
My 7 month full pregnent sister was jailed,even she was not staying with us, and hardly visit us once in 3/4 months. but policed showed no mercy they draged her to police station.
My Sister in Law who was staying with us, having 3 months old breast feeding daughter and Law has shown no sympathy Even on that innocent child just because her mother was named in my wifes False IPC - 498a.

There was no Enquiry or investigation, police took everyone, and dumped in jail for no reason.
just because we found out my wifes Extra marital affair.

My case is going on for last 6 years, but my wife never turnedup once to the court, If she was right why she is not coming to the court. and judge is not ready to drop the case when this is non compoundable.

Do you think this 498a (IPC) is protecting women.
To protect one women, this law harass and victimise many other women.Even that women is wrong. still Law support her.

Sooner or later this Law will break indian Family system, make more single parents and Bastard childrens.by harassing age old parents and other innocent women

http://victims-of-law.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

Dear Pheonix,
you are one of my kind
http://indiatalking.com/blog/indianwomen

we have teach these men a lesson

Diana Sunita.

Anonymous said...

Definitely its touching. Who is responsible. Whose fault is this. There are a couple of women in india who are exactly opposite to the said situation. Now there are a number of cases are coming up where women abort the child at their own and blame her inlaws and husbands for that. Because of these false complaints and false allegations, EVEN TRUE CASES ARE IGNORED. This is not anyone else's fault, BUT FAULT IN INDIAN SYSTEM. On one hand indian system giving extraordinary legal powers to the women on the other hand they are not able to implement it properly. Who is suffering ultimately ??? THE WOMEN. Because of some greedy and miscaring attitude women, TOO MANY INNOCENT ARE SUFFERING. Courts and Police stations are FLOODED WITH FALSE CASES BY GREEDY WOMEN, THEN WHO HAS TIME TO ENTERTAIN GENUINE COMPLAINTS. IF WE WANT TO TEACH A LESSON TO THE MEN, FIRST WE WILL HAVE TO CLEAN THE SOCIETY BY OPPOSING FALSE COMPLAINTS BY WOMEN THEMSELVES. BY THE END OF THE DAY, WE ARE THE LOOSERS. A few women are making EASY MONEY by filing false cases and real victims like you and me are not getting justice. I went to a police station when i faced some problems from my husband, THE POLICE PEOPLE STRAIGHT TOLD ME THAT 'NOW A DAYS EVERY WOMEN IS FILING FALSE COMPLAINTS, SO WITHOUT PROPER INVESTIGATIONS WE CANNOT ENTERTAIN YOU'. Now i want to point it to the LIER WOMEN, They are the responsible for this situation.

Sakshi
Delhi

Anonymous said...

Moral of the Story.

Women dug their own Grave.
one women misuse id other women misery.

http://pub10.bravenet.com/forum/850828401
Crusader

Satya said...

Phoenix,

I would like to have you write about the recent recommendations from NCW (http://www.indianexpress.com/full_story.php?content_id=81110)

What are your view?

The key changes suggested by the NCW are:

• The definition of rape should be widened and not be restricted to vaginal penetration. One suggestion was that oral and anal penetration, or even body contact, should be considered ‘‘sexual assault.’’

• Sexual assault should be punishable with a minimum of 10 years in prison and a maximum of life term.

• The age factor should be looked into more carefully in abduction-cum-rape cases as existing law is very often misused by rapists.

• Buying sexual favours (from sex-workers) should also be considered sexual assault.

• Video and audio recordings of the victim’s statement should be admitted in court as evidence to save her from embarrassing ‘‘cross examinations.’’

• Investigation and trial of the victim should be a time-bound affair and public servants held accountable for any lapse.

Sabahat u Khan said...

Sakshi You are like Sita I Slute you.You got the right mistake of our system which is responsible for aggravating the present situation of a women.Its like some one lie always "Sher Aya Sher Aya" but when mens comes out to help that man ,they find its lie But one day when a real Sher(Lion) came and he screamed and asked for help no body turned up even our listening his voice. Presently just because of Lier/greedy women and greedy inlaws the real Victims (our sisters) are sufering.

To phoenix:,
I liked your article very much and have great sympathy with your friend .you know I called my wife here in kuwait in 2001 from her parents house only as just after few month of our marriage she was having some tempramental difference with my family , . after coming here(Kuwait) in two month she got a tube pregnancy due to miscarriage. Durin Ramadan Time her tube pregnancy was diagnosed when I was fasting. you wont believe I was not able to break my fast some day even.Every midnight I used to pray and cry for her as she was admitted in the hospital.And you wont believe she became ok without any operation however in india operation is must. Then we blessed by one daughter in 2003 in kuwait. This time also during Ramadan and Eid I was in the Hospital like before.
Aug 2004 she flew India as she was pregnent .
In return she files a false complaint agaist me and my whole family members(including mother two sisters) though my wife has been living separately since tthen .I have blessed with another daughter in 2005 in india whose nane I dont know even though she is living in my flat along with her parents and getting monthly maintenance from mu pocket. I dont know about my first daughter whether she has started talking or not hows her health how's she growing.While writing about my daughters I have tears in my eyes beacause I love my daughters very much. I am afraid if they wont be given to me than the same history will repeat again in the future and another two innocent family will have been suffering with this rubbish law 498A
My inlaws are doing exactly the same thing what they did with their elder daughters husband to fulfill their unlawful demands.Why I am telling you this Five fingers are not equal like wise every where you will find that men are not culprit every time.But one thing is true that women is the biggest enemy for women. I am muslim and today also i am fasting and not telling you anything untrue about my self. Sometime I think what has left in my life but i am alive to reach to truth and Inshallah I will.I would have forgiven her if she would have caught me only for 498A but since she involved everyone I will never till the end of my life.
But ultimately she will be looser and will find herself a culprit in front of her two daugters.

Swarup said...

For such things the feminist are responsible , because they want more and more crime .. if you have time go thourhg this article ..accepted by huge web site :

http://www.indiatalking.com/blog/swarup/1338/


This is Feminism or Legal Terrorism??

Recently the writer of Telegraph of Kolkata had published a senless , lack of knowledge and tried to fool the People from the actual truth . The coment as under :-

“ The protests often sound rather silly. Messages such as "Say no to feminism and to the domestic violence bill," posted on the web by organizations such as the Pariwarik Suraksha Sanstha and Forum of Battered Husbands, seem more like the ravings of bullies exposed than reasoned objections. “

Do you know what is Feminism ?? We have seen and observed a lot of Feminist activity in India and the meanning of the Feminism in India as under :-

Feminism means Whole Sale Free Lincence of Adultrity Relationship.

Feminism means Whole Sale Free Lincence to grab the Husband Money by Legal Terrorism .

Feminism Means Whole Sale Free Lincence for Killing the Child .

Feminisam Means Whole Sale Free Lincence for refuse to give the Child Mother Milk .

Feminism menas forcing a Child to Grow under Single parenting System .

Feminisam means Elder abuse – sending age old , sick Parents out of house .

Feminism means sending Child and Pregent Sister to the jail without any Investigation .

Feminism means to make the Institution of Marriage to a legal Postitution ( Live in relationshp )

Feminism means to hide the actual truth . … like that a lot more are there!!

Yes so we asked to our sister , mother and daughter to say “ No to Feminism “ , we want to say “ Gender Equality “.

Yes we appele to all IIT,IIM ,IT and honest Industry People to Say “ No to Domestic Violence Bill “ , We want “ Domestic Harmoney Bill “ to stop the legal Terrorism . Because today it seems our Government and LAW maker had allready Sold them self in the Hand of Modern Suparnaks and Modern Ravans .

There is no Place of Modern Sita , Modern Ram , Modern Laxman !!

Now the writer and all other who says this is Silly , let them say what they want !!

In the whole wolrd only one Country that is India where , all the whole sale free lincence are available and that is not a crime and the criminal get away , as there is no punishment for the above crime . India is the only country where 498A , is there by which age old parents , pregent sister go to jail without any investigation.

If any LAW maker does not have the sufficient knowledge , then why they make such a stupid LAW ??http://www.indiatalking.com/blog/swarup/1326/Indian Parents and Pregent Sister are in Jail !!!
But our LAW Makers don’t learn from the Mistake , instead of correcting the Mistake , they want another Blood Cancer , “ Domestic Violence Act “ , which is so badly Drafted that the Indian Women Life will be miserable and one more step to :-

Cheating and Fooling the Indian Women for Vote Bank !!

Check this :-

http://www.indiatalking.com/blog/swarup/1333/

So we all a group of SIF Volunteers form of IIT ,IIM ,IT and Honest Industry People say :

“ No to Feminism “ , we want to say “Gender Equality “.

“ No to Domestic Violence Bill “ , we want “ Domestic Harmoney Bill “ to stop the legal Terrorism .

Let all the nation to Decided , what they Want , Volence or harmoney ??

Let Save Indian Family , Let save the Institution of Marrige for a Better tomorrow for our Child .

Regards
Swarup Sarkar

Phoenix Rises said...

Sumanth,
You think this story wbout a woman who is mistreated and raped by her husband is a hoax?
First of all, I would not post stuff that is not true, and if I've done so in the past then I've corrected myself.
And if it was really that simple for her to walk out and lead an independent life, she would have done ages ago. But you obviousley do not understnad the mindset of the traditional Indian woman, who'd put up with a lot of bullshit to keep her marriage together. She may have had the courage to fight back at least if she had had her parents' support, but sadly that is not the case.
So next time, maybe you should give an issue some thought before rushing to a conclusion.

Bharat,
I will not deny the fact that the dowry laws are misused by a number of women, but I'm sure that this number is nothing compared to the number of women, like the one I wrote about, who are suffering in silence and who have no idea about dowry laws, and who have been abandoned by their own parents.
This post is not meant to "create false panic in society" as you have stated. This aspect of Indian society is as common as the exploitation of the dowry laws by some women. This is not an exaggeration of events, this is prevalent throughout India.

Jinesh Zaveri,
It is indeed appaling that some women misuse the dowry laws that are there for the benefit of those who are truly in need of them, and I'm really sorry for the way in which your mother has been treated by your wife. I hope you get the justice that you deserve.

498A_Victim,
I'm sorry for your family and the unfair way that you and your family has been treated by your wife. However, this law was created to help women who genuinly need it. It is a horrible fact that this law is being misused so blatantly by a number of women nowadays. But, if this law is done away with then those who really. in fact need it will be without any help whatsoever. And I do believe that there is a greater number of women who need this law then rhose who misuse it, because the fact is that the majority of Indian women would not come forward and talk about being harrassed for dowry, let alone file a complaint.

vicky said...

Hi there

No , am not trying to play a devils advocate, but would like to add is that in todays scenario we tend to believe whatever a female says, and totally ignore guy's side of the story.

Am sorry, but we Indians are still emotional and somehow get totally carried away, especially when it comes to female. We believe females blindly....nothing wrong with that, but guess its high times that we start using our judgments also.

Dear writer, am sure even u would agree that, " Ek haath se talli nahin Bajti"...I know a very close friend of mine has gone thru hell just because there were lot of dirty allegations on his family from his wife's side. They stooped to the level that they even alleged my friend for dowry...Shameless & brutal creatures

Anyway....So only thing which I would recommend is that let the truth prevail...if the guy is wrong and has really done this to female then probably baptism should be the only punishment for him, and in case if female is lying than should be equally tortured n punised....BUT LET THE TRUTH PREVAIL

Swarup said...

If any one want to empowerment of real women , then they should talk about the reality and take the corrective action accordingly .

But one sided law will only create more and more violence , as a result whoever is week it can be men or women , they will suffer .

We need law cirme based , not the gender based , then only the criminal will get punishment , otherwise this will be a whole sale free lincence to criminal in our society to kill the innocent people .

Two wrong thing can not make a right things , one hand we say Biganomey is punishable and on the other hand we say when a women do bigamoney she should be reawared , one side we say rape is bad , other side we say a raped women to to awared as soon as the complin comes like 5 or 10 lacks compension ... this is nothing but legal terrorism and history witness terrorist activity can not give the freedom .

So if any one really want to impove the life of Indian ( let it be men or women ) , first they have to accept that stronger and weaker people does not have any sex , caste or relogion .

Our fight should be Criminal Vs. Innocent , not Menvs,Women , the more this will happen the more crime will increase .

May be i am wrong , but let the nation to decide waht they want "Violence " or "Harmoney " , at least our LAW had not make any attempet towards increase the harmoney , they always go towards increse the " Violence ".

But we all IIT ,IIM ,IT and good professional people have to realy work hard for a better tomorrow for our Child and try to give a good education to them and expose those criminal of the society irrespective of sex , till the time that does not happen , sorry this will be nothing but cheating the real victim .